Having high standards in dating rut - 10 Genius Pieces Of Advice For Girls Who Have Trouble With Dating
However, interestingly enough for some, this is sadly not the case. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
If you're actively making the time to date and meeting lots of people, yet you still can't seem to make anything stick, there is a common denominator in that formula, and it's probably you. The good news - again - is, you can fix it! Because being stuck in a dating rut is usually just the result of having standards that are way too high, that basically, no real person can realistically meet. If you're not certain if you fall into this category, here are a few of the tell-tale signs that your standards are too high, so you can finally start to adjust that bar and meet a real non-fantasy land human just like you.
If you can say that truthfully than you know your standards are too high. When your turn down a decent person you should at least have a decent reason, for example, your values didn't align, he doesn't want to have kids, or he wears fedoras.
Any good reason will do. If you're relying on a vague and ambivilent "he's not my type" line time after time this is a sure sign that you are relying on a fantasy to build your expectations. And that is dangerous because it becomes very easy to assume your fantasy is a reality.
Find a good friend or family member to give you a good reality check because if you don't, you are going to find yourself alone very quickly. You never thought your life would look like an episode of Sex and The City, but here you are.
When your standards are too high, you tend to fall back on this excuse to justify your checklist to yourself. But if you took a minute to open up any dating app or social media platform you will see with your own two eyes that there are millions of eligible bachelors out there. I'll admit it though, the thought of wading through that massive pool of candidates is intimating for everyone.
It is a lot emotional and physical work, but its fun. And all these apps are designed for specific users and lifestyles in mind. So, find one that fits you and get to work. Because, I have to say it, there are plenty of fish in the sea. One of the tell-tale signs of having high standards is that you have a track-record of rarely getting to relationships if any at all. That's because you don't give enough of a chance to guys and you judge them too quickly.
If you're hoping to land a boyfriend or even a short-term fling, you have to give people the chance that you would want to be given to you.
People usually communicate their love the same way they want to receive it. Playing games doesn't really work. Too often, I watch girl friends go on dates with guys they really like, trying to act like they don't really like them or care. Playing it cool isn't going to help you find someone.
It's going to make people think you're not interested! If you want to find someone who wants a relationship, then make it clear you want that - it's possible to do that without coming off as clingy. Make sure you are actively going out to places where you will meet people.
I once advised a frustrated single friend to go out more in order to try to meet people, because she always stayed home or in her comfort zone of friends.
She rolled her eyes at me, and said angrily, "I've tried that and it doesn't work. Listen, going out to a crowded place isn't magical. It's not like the second you're in public, someone will run to you. You have to also make an effort when you're out.
It's doing more than staying home! What worked for me was NOT lowering my standards but being a lot more open-minded about the types of men I would date. I met my boyfriend through OKCupid a year and a half ago after a couple of years of depressing and discouraging online dating. He is not someone I probably would have dated 5 years ago, but it turns out we're amazing together and we're talking about getting married!
There is a big difference between lowering your standards and being more open-minded. Never settle, but give people a chance. Don't have a list of extremely specific things that you tick off quickly.
You can definitely have some deal-breakers, but try to give people a chance to see where things go. Develop hobbies where you meet and interact with more people who share your interests. Don't play games - just be upfront and be yourself. Be someone that you like and can be proud of. Get therapy if you have a lot of bitterness, paranoia, distrust, or fear about relationships or other people.
Work on your health mentally and physically. Concentrate on enjoying and building a great life whether you have a partner or not. Don't invest your time or emotions on people who aren't also invested in you. Don't settle for having just any partner find a partner where bring each other happiness.
It sounds so corny, but you have to focus on you before you can meet someone who is right for you. Don't focus on the fact that you're single, as hard as that may be. Focus on doing what makes you happy. People are attracted to happy people!
Take care of yourself. Confidence is one of the most attractive things in another person. But if you aren't comfortable with yourself, happy with yourself, confident in your own skin, it shows. Confidence means different things for everyone. One girl might feel good about herself after working out and eating right.
Another girl might feel good about herself after studying hard. Another girl might feel great with the right outfit.
Just do what makes YOU feel good about yourself. Take some initiative and ask someone out. The worst possible thing that they could say is 'no. I know for a fact that we wouldn't be together if I had not made a move.
If you meet someone or are friends with someone you want to try to date, then ask them out instead of waiting for them to do it. You'll feel better after you do, even if the response was negative.
If you can say that truthfully than you know your standards are too high. I have a friend I really care about who complains about her lack of success with men, but she's not ready for ask for advice and ACT on it. What did we forget? We all do things wrong from time to time and that's okay!